He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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