You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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