my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize