I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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