if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
