I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
