I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
