Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
