batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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