i jhust puked up my retainher.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
