Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
