It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
