Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize