If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
