In the future we'll all be gay
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
