I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
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after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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