I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
