I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My liver is preforming stress tests.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
