Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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