I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
