he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
His hands were made for my vagina.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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