this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
