If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
