I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
