So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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