you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
