I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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