He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
