last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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