and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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