when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I have aggressive nipples.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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