you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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