I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
This is the high leading the old right now
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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