Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
