whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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