i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
