I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
