i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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