i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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