Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
