I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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