I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
