Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
