If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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