It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
