I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
