Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
