Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Let's get the cat blown out
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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