11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
