My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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