FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
