The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
