The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
