OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
