we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
