Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
