from now on my penis is your penis
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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