Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
