we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
