you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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