hell yes lets make some ravioli
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
