I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Where is the hickey?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
