We're facebook friends in real life
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
